Cultivating a Growth Mindset and Why it’s Important in Negotiation
“I’m bad at negotiating”
Too many of my clients come to me saying “I’m not a good negotiator” or “I’m terrible at negotiating.” This limiting belief demonstrates a “fixed mindset” and has major implications for your negotiation performance. Given that it’s the fall, a season that symbolizes renewal and shedding of the old to make space for the new, I wanted to address the fixed mindset that we should also shed in order to make space for a growth mindset.
The Fixed Mindset: A Limiting Belief System
Carol Dweck
Carol Dweck is a renowned psychologist and household name in the field of education. The fixed mindset, as Dweck describes it, is the belief that our intelligence, abilities, and talents are set in stone. Individuals with this mindset often view challenges as indicators of their inherent limitations, leading to avoidance, disengagement, and a fear of failure.
This mindset can hinder our personal development by discouraging us from taking risks, seeking new challenges, and persisting in the face of obstacles. It can also lead to a sense of helplessness and a belief that we are incapable of achieving our goals.
Why do so many women believe they are “bad” negotiators?
Often times, when my clients display a fixed mindset by describing themselves as “bad negotiators”, they are focusing on the 1-2 times that they felt they “lost” a negotiation. Usually, this is a high-stakes negotiation such as a salary negotiation or raise. They’ve never been able to forget the negotiation and memories of it come up every time they have to prepare for a new negotiation - almost a form of PTSD.
For these clients, the problem is rooted in the way they are defining “negotiation”.
Redefining negotiation
When I ask in my workshops, what do you envision when you hear the word “negotiation"? Participants almost always respond by describing older white men in suits sitting around a conference table, usually in a contentious argument where one is trying to “win” the negotiation. But let’s redefine negotiation.
Negotiation: any situation where two or more parties are trying to come to an agreement.
When we redefine negotiation to have a much broader definition than this conference room scenario, we realize that so many formal and informal situations can count as negotiations.
Examples of formal negotiations:
Deadlines for team projects
Job titles and work responsibilities
The cost of a car repair
Examples of informal negotiations:
Getting your partner to split the housework with you
Deciding on the shared appetizers for a group dinner
Convincing your toddler to eat their vegetables
Now that we’ve broadened the definition of negotiation, several clients realize that they have indeed successfully negotiated hundreds of situations in the past. I encourage them to stop hyper-focusing on one bad outcome and instead think about their negotiation outcomes more holistically. They are not “bad” negotiators.
Gender bias also plays a role
My clients are also often unaware of the gender bias that comes into play in a negotiation. They focus solely on the outcome thus unfairly labeling themselves as “bad negotiators”. What they’re not realizing is that research has shown that the playing field was not even in the first place. This bias is particularly prevalent in salary negotiations where men have an advantage which I discuss in my blog post, “Three myths about the gender pay gap”.
Because women are focusing so much on negative experiences and are unaware of the extent of the gender bias that they are facing, they come to believe that they are “bad negotiators”, but it’s time for us to shift from a fixed mindset and into a growth mindset.
Unlocking Your Potential: The Importance of a Growth Mindset
In the pursuit of personal growth and achieving our goals, our mindset plays a crucial role. It shapes our perception of our abilities, our response to challenges, and our ultimate success. Among the various mindsets that influence our lives, Dweck's concept of the growth mindset stands out as a powerful tool for unlocking our full potential.
The growth mindset is the belief that our intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort, learning, and dedication. Individuals with this mindset view challenges as opportunities for growth, setbacks as temporary obstacles, and mistakes as valuable learning experiences.
This mindset empowers us to embrace challenges, persevere through setbacks, and continuously seek out new knowledge and skills. It fosters a sense of resilience, a willingness to experiment, and a belief in our ability to improve over time.
The Benefits of a Growth Mindset
The benefits of a growth mindset extend to various aspects of our lives, including:
Improved academic performance: Students with a growth mindset tend to achieve higher grades and demonstrate greater motivation for learning.
Enhanced resilience: Individuals with a growth mindset are better equipped to handle setbacks and bounce back from challenges.
Greater creativity and problem-solving skills: The growth mindset encourages exploration, experimentation, and a willingness to tackle complex problems.
Stronger relationships: The growth mindset fosters empathy, open-mindedness, and a willingness to learn from others.
Increased happiness and well-being: Embracing a growth mindset contributes to a more positive outlook, a sense of purpose, and a belief in one's ability to shape one's destiny.
What does mindset have to do with negotiation?
In negotiation in particular, research has shown that our mindset can impact the outcome of the negotiation.
For example, if you approach a negotiation believing that you are in a low-power position and you are simply at the mercy of the other negotiator, it is likely that you will negotiate poorly (e.g., “I know my boss is going to say no to a raise but there’s nothing else I can do”).
So if you think that you are a “bad” negotiator, that you won’t get what you want, that you are destined to fail, then this will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
On the other hand, other research has shown that doing mindset work before a negotiation can significantly improve the outcome of a negotiation. This is why I always start with mindset work in my individual coaching sessions and in my mini online course, the Fundamentals of Negotiation for Women (FNW) Express.
Cultivating a Growth Mindset
The good news is that the growth mindset is not an innate trait but a skill that can be cultivated and nurtured through conscious effort. Here are some practical steps to develop a growth mindset:
Challenge your limiting beliefs: Identify the fixed mindset beliefs that may be holding you back and challenge their validity with evidence and counterarguments (e.g., “I can learn how to negotiate effectively and build my negotiation toolkit”)
Embrace challenges: View challenges not as threats but as opportunities to learn, grow, and expand your horizons (e.g., “my first negotiation might not go perfectly but I can steadily improve”)
Learn from mistakes: Mistakes are inevitable, but they also provide valuable lessons. Reflect on your mistakes to identify areas for improvement.
Celebrate effort: Recognize and appreciate your efforts, not just your outcomes. This reinforces the belief that effort leads to improvement.
Seek inspiration from others: Surround yourself with individuals who exemplify a growth mindset and learn from their experiences. (e.g., follow @moonnegotiation on Instagram for regular tips and mindset reminders)
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially when facing setbacks. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and that growth takes time.
Additional mindsets to shed
While we are on the topic of “shedding” old mindsets, I want to address two that come up frequently with my clients that are not helpful and I hope you will also shed.
“My manager means well” - too often, my clients give credit for good intentions and make excuses for the lack of follow-through from their managers and supervisors.
For example, a client of mine who was the only woman of color in her organization realized that she was being significantly underpaid compared to her peers. When she brought the disparity to her boss’ attention and suggested that the organization come up with a framework to determine pay in an equitable manner, her boss responded that he decides on pay by “going with his gut”. 🚩🚩🚩
Despite the red flags with his statements and unwillingness to reflect on equity within the organization, my client insisted that he had good intentions. There is a difference between empathizing with others and making excuses for them. Don’t do the latter!
“Hopefully they’ll acknowledge my contributions and I’ll get the raise that I want” - Hope is not a strategy. One more time for the people in the back - Hope is not a strategy.
Too often women are afraid to advocate for themselves because of the social backlash they’ve experienced in the past that they resort to hoping that things will work out. As someone who has coached hundreds of women and was there when they were so disappointed, frustrated, and angry when their hopes did not pan out, I ask you, nay, I beg you to stop simply hoping for the best. Instead, build your skillset in negotiation and take your destiny into your own hands.
Start taking the baby steps to learn how to negotiate
So you want to have a growth mindset when it comes to negotiating… but how do you get started? I have two resources that you can check out.
First is my free half-hour webinar, How to Negotiate Without Being Perceived as “Greedy”. Attendees will learn how to shift their mindset in negotiation and also receive a free comprehensive guide on areas to negotiate for your job.
Or if you’re really ready to dive in, check out my mini online course, the Fundamentals of Negotiation for Women (FNW) Express. The course teaches everything you would learn in a traditional negotiation course except that each concept infuses the latest research on gender bias and how to overcome it. The course also includes regular drop-in office hours to ask me directly all of your lingering questions and a Facebook community of members who are going through the same negotiation journey as you.
Let’s embrace a growth mindset in negotiation
A growth mindset is a powerful tool for unlocking our full potential and achieving our goals. It empowers us to embrace challenges, learn from our experiences, and continuously strive for improvement. By cultivating a growth mindset, we can open ourselves to a world of possibilities and shape our lives with resilience, determination, and a belief in our ability to achieve extraordinary things.
Embark on your journey of growth and unleash the incredible negotiation potential that lies within you. Remember, the only limits to what you can achieve are the ones you set for yourself.
About the Author:
Joan is a negotiation coach and trainer. She served as a research fellow at the Women and Public Policy Program and started multiple negotiation coaching programs at Harvard.
